Preparations

Having come to terms with my current situation, I am now preparing for my eventual departure.

Preparation #1- Download Skype. I have never used skype before. But it may just be the best thing EVER. Skype is a program that allows you to call others and if you have the necessary equipment, you are able to video chat as well. This will allow me to be able to talk to anyone in the states that also has skype for free! And for a fee (that is a lot less expensive than a regular call)I can call those that do not have skype as well! Yay!

Downside: My dinosaur computer neither has a mic nor a camera. So I can message all day long, and I can listen, but I can not talk back!

Preparation #2- Buy new computer with necessary equipment. Dell is having a president's day sale. And the newer model of my computer is about a 1/3 of the cost of when I originally bought it. So I am selling my laptop and another desktop that I have. Thankfully this will pay for almost the entire computer. It has more storage, more memory, a web cam, and I am sure a mic, but I should probably double check.

Downside: I would have to wait until March something or other to get it!

Preparation #3- In order to sell my desktop, I have to go to my storage facility and pull it out. So I went to storage. I thought while I was there, it would also be a good thing to go through Sidnei's clothes so that I can prepare a box to ship there. And find out if it is possible to get a bag together for him so that he can arrive in Brazil with something to wear.

Downside: There is a 5x10 full of our things. OUR things. The things that symbolize what it was supposed to be like. Presents that I couldn't bear to open by myself. Bedding purchased by my Mom that I was SO excited to use. Pictures that have never been hung. Furniture. Dishes. My wedding dress. His clothes still smelled like him. It was painful. I'm not ashamed to admit that when a box of clothes fell on me, I sat down on the floor and cried.

Upside: I stood back up, looked at these things, and said, Stephanie, these are just things. In the end, they don't matter. Am I still sad? Yes. I feel like we have lost a year of our lives. But I am grateful for what we have learned. It was quite the steep learning curve. I know, I know...I went all Hallmark special on you, but it really is what I thought.

Downside: After being in the storage center for two hours. Struggling to fit everything back in and lock it up. Figure out how to load everything in my amazingly small car, I have a sudden realization. I had found the monitor, the keyboard, and all the accessories to the computer. But not the actual tower. I wanted to seriously injure something.

Preparation #4- Language. I do not know Portuguese. I know southern. My relaxed words, slow drawl, and long I's, do not help pronunciation of Portuguese. In fact, I find that I quite often that in my head I say it correctly. What comes out of my mouth is an entirely different story. So in order to not look like a complete buffoon, I thought I would try to learn some of the basics. Thanks to a WONDERFUL sister, she ran into a friend who is learning French. She uses a site call Live Mocha which is similar Rosetta Stone online. It allows you to network with others that are using the same language, find native speakers that can review your work and assist you, and other things as well. And the best part is it is ALL FREE! I am going to take my first lesson tonight (if all goes as planned, since I have to go back to the storage center. ugh.) and I will let you know how I like it!

Downside: Thankfully, I can't find one for this!

Preparation #5- I need a bathing suit that fits me.

Downside: I have to try on bathing suits.

Preparation #6- Sidnei no longer has a wedding band and I would like to go and re-buy him the same one as he had BEFORE it sank to the bottom of the ocean.

Downside: I need his finger to size it. And the money to pay for it.

Preparation #7- I need to save money.

Downside: See 2, 5, and 6.

Preparation #8- I need to figure out the best way to obtain my visa without it taking too long. I would like to see my husband rather soon. I am thinking of going with a tourist visa first and working from there. I will email the consulate first though (since no one EVER answers the phone there) and see if they have suggestions.

Downside: Have you ever tried obtaining a visa? The whole process is really a pain.

Preparation #9- Find out information on shipping our things down to Brasil. Container? Or Boxes? I don't know. Must Research.

Downside: Either one of those will probably be expensive, please refer to number 7. And will more than likely take a long, long time.

Preparation #10- Get husband out of jail. (This should probably have been number 1, so...just so you know, these are not in number of priority.) I am SICK of waiting for this to happen. The waiting may very well kill me.

Downside: I may not get very much sleep or see the light of day for a while. Wait, is that a downside?

So as you can see, there is much to do. Even though I know nothing as of yet. But it is better it feels good to be working towards SOMETHING rather than just be limboing around saying maybe this and maybe that. I can actually make lists and focus. And if by some SLIM chance we stay here...well then we will be better organized, styling and technologically up to date.

In the Dark

Today I feel overwhelmed. I feel like the entire situation has consumed me, swallowed me whole, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Here is the low down:

Mr S finally called me! Yay! I was SO glad to hear his voice! I always feel so much better after talking to him. And I am sure I will feel better after talking to him later on as well.

More lowdown:

I finally talked to the attorney (not the @$$hat I wasn't fond of, but our immigration attorney, who for the most part is great). She told me that she has been trying to get Mr S a court date for bond. The problem is they want to deport him without Mr S going to court. So our attorney is trying to fight that. To make matters worse, she wants to tread carefully because they can put a ten year bar on Mr S that will not allow him to apply for papers much less enter the country until that ten year bar is up. Now there are two types of 10 year bars. One of which will allow me to appeal it and have it waived (possibly--there are no definites in the immigration world), and another that there is no appeal whatsoever on. SO...I just don't know. I don't know what to think. I'm scared to move to Brasil (even though I know I can do it, it's just scary), I'm scared that because we owe the lawyer SO much money that it won't be possible for me to stay in Brasil with Mr S and that would devastate me. I'm just plain scared because I just don't know. I don't know what's going to happen and I am worried that I won't be able to fix it. Did you all know that I am a fixer? And when there is nothing I can do...well quite frankly it freaks me out. It paralyzes me. And that is where I feel I am. I feel like I am paralyzed by the fear of it all. I keep telling myself that it is going to be okay because whatever happens we will work through it...it just doesn't ever feel like it's going to be okay. And I am just SO tired. I just really need a little bit of a reprieve from all the heartache and all the worry. I just want to know that it's going to be okay...and there is no way to know that.

So for now I wait(haha what a surprise!). The lawyer should have more news before the end of the week.

Tonight...

Or rather, this morning (2AM)...

I can't sleep.

I haven't spoken with Mr. S since Monday.

I miss him. I miss the little beat my heart skips when his ring comes on. I miss his voice. I miss complaining telling him about my day. I miss him telling me that it's only work and to stop stressing out.

I miss him telling me he misses me. I miss him speaking in Portuguese so fast I don't really catch anything everything, but knowing it is something sweet.

I just miss him.

I get so funky when I can't talk to him.

Jail is stupid.

What the heck happened to the sixth amendment people? This is freaking ridiculous. Drug dealers spend less time in jail than my husband.

If you will do me a little favor? Send some prayers up for us that we'll hear something this week. We need some good news. Thanks in advance! I know we are so close. I am trying really hard to be patient. Especially since I have no other choice.

SO, deep breath. Positive thoughts. LOTS of positive thoughts. And dreams of my husband. My warm, snuggly husband. **sigh**


Five for Fighting
I just love you


It's not about the Bones and Booth thing. But this song is good.

That Crazy Thing Called Love

I was having a conversation on the phone last night with someone who asked me about Mr S and our situation. So I was telling her the odds and ends, what was going on, what we were expecting to happen, etc. And she said, "I can't imagine how hard all this must have been on you all. How much has your relationship suffered? Do you think you will stay married after this is finished?"

Needless to say I was almost stunned in silence. I was thinking in my head, "Huh? Lady, what are you talking about?" And of course, trying to recover gracefully, it dawned on me that not everyone presented with this situation would necessarily stay married. That there are some who would not have weathered the trials so well. So I let her know, that we were doing fine. That I was grateful because I felt we were stronger, not only as a couple, but individually. However, we were not foolish enough to believe that when we are together again our relationship will just continue on like before. We know that we are slightly different people than we were 10 (almost 11) months ago, but the good thing is I love Mr. S so much more than I did then.

Will we always weather the storms of life this well? I know that life can deal some difficult hands. I like to think that if we get through this, we can overcome just about anything.



This song will forever remind me of how I feel about Sidnei. I wanted this particular song to be sung at our wedding, but we could never find music for it.

"Face Of Love"
Jewel

until tonight
my heart was just half full
i'd never known the fruit which fed the soul
but now i see what may put to rest my longing
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love
in silence i feared my heart
would remain words unheard
inside a separateness of skin
but now i know that the skin just veils the soul
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love
so take my hand and knowing
with it i also give my heart
wanting never to be separate again
let eternity begin
if you were flame
i'd allow myself to be consumed completely
were you wind i would wish you pass through me
but now i know that the skin just veils the soul
for i have seen, the face of love
the grace of god, the face of love

An Update

Thanks to everyone who has sent me an email or comment asking how we are doing.

But we got nothing.

Not yet anyway.

I know it is going to be anytime. I am anxious. I am antsy. Those things do NOT put me in a good mood.

So we wait.


Mr. S is not in a good mood either.


But we wait. Patiently...or something like it.


I'm trying not to be a pain...but I REALLY want to email the lawyer.


So my debate: Squeaky Wheel or Pain in the Keester?


I DESPISE the waiting game.


Sorry for not commenting, I have been SUPER busy at work, but I will try to be better.

Much love and thanks for always checking in!

And She's Back...

Today has been a wonderful day. I got to read and FINALLY finish a book called Moloka'i that I have been trying to get through for a while now. I loved it. It is one of those books that puts things into perspective. The protagonist lives through the worst of things...unimaginable circumstances...yet she lives and she loves despite them. And there are SO many people around me, who do the same thing, here, in real life. I am grateful for them. I am grateful for the reminder that no one escapes life. It just is what it is. It's hard, it's painful, but it can be wonderful, happy, and full of JOY.

I don't know the word for what I am feeling right now. Sort of nostalgic I suppose. I am wrapped up in the memories of the times Mr. S was here. The things that make me miss him, the moments that made me love him, and I am grateful for those moments. Because as much as I hate it, without those things, those happy moments, I would not hurt as much as I do right now. I wouldn't miss him like I do. I realize the crater that is in my life right now is because he was the one who put it there. I know this time we are facing apart is quickly coming to a close. I am SO very grateful for that. I am grateful because my husband and I get to be together again. I am grateful for that because I know that there are so many spouses who no longer have that privilege. To think about it...it takes my breath away.

So if you don't mind, I want to share some of the things that make me love Mr. S, some of the memories that made me so happy today.

The first time I told Mr. S I loved him back...he picked me up off my feet, spun me around, yelled something in Portuguese, and gave me a big kiss.

Getting him the beach bike he wanted so badly but hardly used for our anniversary!

Seeing him on the jobsite working so hard and being soo good at his job and stealing kisses--and trying not to embarrass him in front of the guys!

The time Sidnei decided to cut his own hair...wouldn't let me do it. His phone rang, he asked me to answer it and put it on speaker. While talking and laughing, the clipper guard fell off, and he put a BIG FAT patch in his head. You should have seen the look on his face. It was priceless. I let a little giggle escape--you know the nervous kind, like uh oh? Well let me just tell you all-- Did you know it was my fault?? Well apparently it was. Apparently I was distracting him! He was SO mad. We were at his place, so I left. He came over later, donning his new style. He buzzed it all off. You can see in this picture, he is feeling better even though to this day it is still my fault and still on the phone.


The flowers...just because



The kisses...oh I miss the kisses...
This is one of my favorite engagement photos!




Talking Mr S into good memories! Here we are in the Wild, Wild West


The lazy Sunday afternoons sleeping and watching TV.

The day Mr S was baptized


The English/Portuguese Dictionary I kept in my purse..

Obviously I could go on forever. I am in no way lacking in love. I miss the way he smells, the laughs, the loving, holding hands. I am looking forward to the fact that we will one SOON have all those things again.

I can't remember who said this, and as soon as I do I will make sure to give them credit and if you said this PLEASE let me know! I am trying to go through my email to find it!...but they said, you can make your home anywhere, but you can't make everyone the love of your life. Oh so very true my friend.

So the point of all this? Because I need to learn to be happier day to day. I need to learn that in the face of adversity, it is not as bad as it seems. I need to remember that there is a plan, whether I can see it at this time or not. I am so loved by so many people. My husband, my family, my friends, and all of you. Thanks for allowing me to share this, to share our journey, and to support me through it all.

Part One

Is complete!!

FINALLY!!

Mr. S called me about 11 AM today (first time I have talked to him in over a week!!) to tell me that he had been to court. They gave him time served! The immigration lawyer has already let me know that they are filing a petition for bond!

So I may be going back to Puerto Rico later this month to go get him (MAYBE, but let's think positive shallwe?)! We will see!

I am SO happy that we are finally moving on to the last stretch of this particular journey! (We will still have many, many more miles in our journey to come get the actual papers here)

But one step at a time!

Just wanted to let you all know what was going on. Hope y'all have a good weekend!!

Expectations...

This post is about expectations. And why I have NONE.

Mr. S's court date was schedule for today.

Mr. S's court date was re-scheduled for Friday.

Mr. S's court date has been re-scheduled about 5 different times now for JUST the sentencing.

Though, they were kind enough to tell us the did NOT dismiss the charges. yay.

Excuse me now while I put myself in an ice cream induced coma.

Irony happens in the most unusual places...

Because I have the habit of torturing myself, I wanted to hear the song that Mr S and I danced to at our wedding. Let's do some background shall we? I picked this song because when Mr S and I first started dating, he had come home from work and he was getting ready to take me out. I was laying on the bed looking through a magazine, we had the radio on. This song came on, Mr S came over to the bed, grabbed me and we danced. And it was terribly romantic. I thought it only fitting, that despite what the song lyrics say, that we should dance to them at our wedding. Which was also terribly romantic.

Our First Dance


The Music Video

So the irony? The song is called "Long Trip Alone" by Dierks Bentley. So now, we are on this long trip alone...well more seperate than alone, but none the less....the video also starts off with a man in a foreign prison. He is released, taking his trip home, and you see an immigration scene. I am thinking irony, no?

But I still love this song, it always makes me sad, but only because I miss Mr S so much. I know that soon our long trip alone will be over and that we will live out our happily ever after, no matter where that trip has taken us...

Bittersweet 2008

I feel like such a loser. Even though I know I shouldn't. Even though I knew what I was doing and I wanted to do it, I still feel like a loser.

New Year's Eve--Nothing. Not a thing. Not even good TV. I just laid around. Didn't watch the ball drop. I went to bed like it was a normal evening. And this morning I dislike myself for it. Ugh.

New Year's Eve used to be one of those holidays I waited for with much anticipation. I had so much fun with my girlfriends from high school! We always went to pier one, picked out cute glasses that matched to use for the night, we went to the fabric store, bought awesome fabric to make a top so that we were all different, but similar. We had SO much fun. I wish I had pictures of that in this computer so I could show you. We always stole the show, had fun parties.

Let's have a recap of the last few years shall we? December 31, 2005--Christmas Eve party at an old friend from high school with just about EVERYONE I had gone to school with (I had a small high school of about 4-500 people, my graduating class was 75). The last thing I remember was someone driving us home (who had not been drinking) and I was snorting laughing as we said quotes from the movie Elf. To this day he and I leave messages for eachother like "You stink. You smell like beef and cheese." Funny to you? No. Funny to me? YES!

December 31, 2006-- Moved back home from Utah to start work at Dad's company. Came home, fever of 103, sick with strep...sick sick sick. I don't remember much. Except being cold....no hot...no cold...ahhhh!

December 31, 2007--curled up on the couch with my honey. Asleep. Happy? YES! Boring YES YES!

December 31, 2008-- In my room, in front of the TV, computer on. Boring? YES YES YES!

So here is my New Year's Resolution--

December 31, 2009-- Gorgeous dress, painful heels, dinner at the Melting Pot (or wherever), and dancing! Dancing ALL NIGHT LONG with good friends. And at the stroke of Midnight, The Kiss!

Or I'd settle for throwing a party too. I don't drink anymore and some might be bored by that, but we have a good time and I think it'd be a good time nonetheless! Are ya in??

I know that 2009 will be our year. 2008 has been bittersweet for us. Mr. S and I often talk about how we are happy, even through all that we are going through. That is an important thing. I married the love of my life in March, and that means that 2008 will always be one of the BEST years of my life. I know that what we are going through now is such a small moment in time and we will look back and be grateful for all we have gone through together.

I don't know yet what 2009 will bring us, or where I will be this time next year in 2010. The only thing I do know, is that no matter what I WILL be with Mr. S, and the thing I am most sure of is that we will be HAPPY.

So here is to 2009! May we be blessed, may we be happy, may we be loved, and may we post to tell the world about it!

Happy New Year my friends!!

A Little Help, If you'd Be So Inclined...

This morning at 5 AM, I got a phone call from Mr. S! He is on his way to St. Thomas. We are not sure why exactly. He has court scheduled for January 7th, and usually they would transfer him the Tuesday before...so he's been transferred a week early.

My thoughts are (though I have not yet heard from the attorney) that maybe they bumped his court date up to tomorrow. My high hopes are that they have decided to dismiss Mr. S's case and they brought him to St. Thomas to tell him.

Would you mind saying a little prayer? I am focusing mine on softening the judge's heart to our plight, asking for help for our attorney (He knows that the lawyer needs it), to protect and comfort Mr. S, and if it be His will, that this case would be dismissed and we can move on to the next step. St. Thomas is a lot rougher than Puerto Rico because there is a lot more corruption. I worry continually while he is there....and he can not call me as often either, if at all. Boo.

So, if you wouldn't mind sending one up for us...We would really appreciate it! I will let you know what I find out! I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel...


**Edited to Add**
So I have not heard anything yet. I have not been able to talk to the lawyer just yet. I did call and talk to the secretary, and she said they may have just brought him over early with others because of the holidays. So I think we may just be waiting until January 7th as originally planned. *sigh* But I am just really grateful for a court date at all. Thanks so much for everyone's comments and prayers!!

Christmas Cards***

So today I was talking on google chat with Kori! If you don't know her (and I assume there aren't many who don't) please go and visit her! She is so wonderful! Probably one of the kindest, gentlest, helpful, strongest, the adjectives could go on forever, people have I have ever met! Anyway she asked if she could send a Christmas card to Mr S! And of course, I told her Mr S would love that! He knows all about my blog, all of you, and particularly Kori and everything she has done to help me!

And then her brillance, she suggested that I post and see if the rest of you would mind sending him a Christmas Card as well! Which I thought was a great idea! I would love it if you all would be so kind as to extend some holiday cheer to my man! Absolutely not mandatory in anyway!

So if you would like to, please leave me a comment letting me know, email me. I am going to email you his address. I don't want to post it all across the internet for saftey reasons.

Thank you all so much in advance again for being there for us!

***edited to add:
No extra postage required, unless your cards require some! Just put a regular stamp and send it on!! Puerto Rico is a US territory and USPS delivers there like continental US! Thanks again!

Puerto Rico

My trip was absolutely everything I expected it to be and more!! I really had a great time! My little sister came down Thursday night and got on a plane with me on Friday morning at 8 AM. We arrived in San Juan at 2:30 PM local time (1:30 PM EST). As you can see she is excited to be on this plane!We got a taxi that cost a small fortune took us to our hotel! We were anxious to get there and put away all of our bags so we could go explore!

We were staying in Old San Juan District. You know, cobble stone streets, beautiful architecture, etc. We get to the hotel and the lobby is BEAUTIFUL! It is all decked out for Christmas and the staff was really friendly! We get upstairs to our room and we are greeted by a room that smells like 50 old men were sitting around with brandy and a cigar (in our non smoking room, mind you)! YUCK. (and the smell NEVER got better.) But nevermind that, I looked out the window and what did I see??? PETER PAN! (the marina was right outside our window...it made me laugh...I actually had NO idea what this guy was doing!

So off to exploring we go! We went down to ask the concierge about some things to go see in walking distance on the island. He went through a lot of things, showed us a map, confused the heck out of us, and off we went! So really we just walked. A lot. And ended up nowhere. But we had a lot of fun in the process! We came across this overlook, with about a 50 foot drop into the ocean. Dangerous yes, but beauty comes with a price my friends!




We went into a few stores, walked around the town. Called it a night, but not before we found a Cold Stone! And of course had to get ice cream! We went to our rooms, tired and worn out, and decided the rooftop pool and hot tub was the night cap we needed!

I was so excited I could barely sleep the night before! I had trouble sleeping that night too. And despite the smell, the bed was REALLY comfortable. I loved it! I have a lot of issues going and sleeping in other places because of my back, but there were no problems!

The next morning I got up at 6 AM to get ready! I wanted to take a picture of me before I left to see Mr S, so I could show you the outfit (though it is hard to take a body length picture of yourself, so this is all you get!) and so I could send him a copy this week too!!


The process to getting in to see Mr S was quite the hassle interesting. It is a different experience to be in a place where all the social rules are different (and I mean this is just standing outside with all the women and children waiting to get in) and not being able to communicate at all well with others.

I arrived at 6:50 AM to begin the processing, and finally saw Mr S two hours later. I was watching all these different people walk in and I was so nervous! I kept thinking, oh my gosh, is that him? Am I going to recognize him? Why I was worried about that, I have no idea.

The minute he walked out, my heart leapt into my throat. He walked over to me and wrapped me up in the biggest hug. I cried my little heart out. (it makes me cry just remembering it) I have to tell you, even if some of you think it's sappy or mush or what have you...in that moment, everything was righted again. Literally I felt whole again.

We sat down, he was crying, I was still crying. Let me tell you, it was so odd, for the first few minutes to look at Mr S while he talked to me. When you talk to someone for nine months on the phone....well I just don't know how to explain it except to say that I sat there thinking, there he is. I knew he was there all along, this is how it's supposed to be. My God, I have missed that face.

I got to stay with Mr S for six hours. We talked, we laughed, we cried, laughed some more. The one thing I can tell you is everything else melted away. The other people, the noise, the guards, and for those few hours (despite the fact I had to sit across the table from him) everything was right. I was SO happy. Except there was to be minimal kissing (at the beginning and at the end), which does not suit me well at all, but I got a few in here and there. HA.

Leaving was terrible. It was so hard. I just wanted to stay with him, to be with him. It is so hard to walk away from someone you love, and leave them in such a terrible place, knowing that you are going back to your family, to safety, to life. I tried to be strong. I didn't cry a lot in front of him while leaving. I bawled the entire way home in the taxi (well except every other minute that I feared for my life--crazy drivers) and in the hotel. Mr S called me later and of course he could tell I had been crying. But he had good news! They had more visitation tomorrow from 12-3! I was so excited! My plane didn't leave until 4:45! I would have to leave early, but I'd be able to come!

I didn't actually get to see Mr S until almost 1, and I had to leave at 2:30, but I was so happy to have that little bit of extra time with him! It was like a little bonus! We really had a wonderful time together. We talked a lot about the future, our lives together. It is my deepest hope that we are going through this now and are able to find our happily ever after. That we continue to have the kind of love that they talk about in stories.

I know this has been a long post, but thank you all for being our cheerleaders and following along! I hope that I am back next month and that I can finally bring him home and start our lives!

Lastly, let me say this: I love my husband. He is by far, the best thing that has happened to me. I love him more than I day I married him, more than I did yesterday, and I will love him more tomorrow than today. I always feel a little guilty, but he is my strength. He guides me, he lifts me up, he tells me to be strong, to pray, to continue because it will all be over soon. He makes me want to be a better person every day so that I can be the kind of wife and mother he knows me to be. Whatever challenges we face, I know that we will always conquer them together, and that he will always be there for me, no matter what it might be. If I walk to the ends of the earth, he will always walk right beside me. He is my heart, my best friend, my eternal companion.

Excitement! And a whole lotta nothing...

For all those who have asked, I definitely can NOT sleep!! I have been so active tonight! I have done everything but wrap christmas presents! I even re-arranged my entire bedroom!! Which I am glad! I need to take a picture of my new duvet I got on sale from Target!! It is beautiful. And white. Which was kinda dumb...but I loved it. I'm sure Gracie will too. Ugh. I'm trying to train her to stay OFF the bed now, but we'll see!!

I am so excited! My sister got down here tonight, I got everything all packed! I checked the weather, it's supposed to be in the upper 80's! And I am SO glad because of course here it is going to only make it to 50 tomorrow!

I can not believe I am FINALLY going to go see Mr S. I know I say it continually...but we NEVER in a million years would have guessed it would have gone on so long, which is why we have waited to see each other until now. I am so, so grateful that we have a court date in January. I hope that everything comes out like we are hoping and that all this time away from one another finds its purpose in a good outcome!

Let me ask you all a question: I have really been having a hard time feeling the christmas spirit. I dont know if it is because I am stressed out at work...or because I have been so busy with work and with personal that I just haven't taken the time to try and feel christmas-y. Maybe once i start to wrap presents I will feel that way. I don't know. I have sung my Christmas Carols. I bought the new Faith Hill on itunes and Josh Groban. But I'm just not there yet. Does it just come with being older? Is it just because i am away from Mr S? Who knows? But I do think that once we are back together, next Christmas I will be excited to have our own little house and decorate and all that jazz!

So what do you to do get yourself in the Mood?


The Christmas Mood that is.

1 More Day!!!!

There is no feeling more comforting and consolingthan knowing you are right next to the one you love.

And I will be carrying my laptop to Puerto Rico, so I can give you all the scoop!!

Orlando! And Mr S..of course!

Last weekend was my trip down to Orlando for a trade show! It was a VERY filled weekend! Busy, busy, busy. The show was great and we went to a lot of different meetings. We got some great ideas and I am hoping that we can implement them to make our business a successful one! These are some hard times we are facing and I am hoping we can make it there!!



So you all know about the hotel issues that we faced...but Gaylord Palms DEFINITELY made up for it! The next morning the reservations manager came over to see us, made sure we were happy with our rooms, and apologized over and over. Our rooms were FABULOUS by the way! The hotel is seriously the nicest I have stayed in! They have 6 different restaurants, a HUGE atrium, 4 different shops...seriously just amazing! I loved it!! They more than made up for their error! We got our chocolate covered strawberries! (Minus the two we ate :) hehe!)

They left these for us everyday...and seriously I felt like I was two, but look how CUTE!How could you not love them?



And among some of the other things they gave us tickets to ICE!


Here a few pictures! My bonus Mom has a majority of the pictures! When I get them from her I will send over more!!

TWO MILLION POUNDS of ice! 9 degrees!! Seriously what they do with ICE is amazing!!

Isn't this Nativity scene amazing?

My little Elf throne!
It was sooo cold!!


Saturday Night I got to steal away to Disney for a while! I don't have pictures right now, but I promise to show some!! I LOVED Disney! It was great! I saw two parades and the fireworks and thought I was in heaven! It was so fun! I got a picture with Mickey and Minnie and Cinderella waved at me! At first sight of Cinderella's castle my heart flutter! *sigh* I cant wait to go back! Preferably with Mr S!!

Speaking of the devil...! Just kidding, but seriously...are you all tired of hearing me talk about him?... GOOD! Me either!

We have had a really good week this week! (Some weeks are really difficult!) I think a lot of that has to do with being able to FINALLY see a light at the end of the tunnel! But as Mr S and I have conversations about life, future, love, etc...I swear I fall more and more in love with him. A lot of people that know us personally I'm sure wonder why in the world we got married. I know that there are people (my father) that think we are too different for things to work. We may be different culturally, but we have the same goals, dreams, ambitions for life. I am so very blessed to have married a man that thinks the most important things in this life are God and Family. He pushes me every day to make sure that my relationship with my Heavenly Father grows. He wants us to be close to God, close to one another, and to be happy. I am so excited to start our lives, talk the talk, and walk the walk TOGETHER! Mr S makes my heart pitter patter! I can not wait to see him again! Thanks for letting me get all smushy, mushy on you, you're the best!!

2 MORE DAYS!!!

9 months and counting...

It is about half past midnight and we have just arrived home from Orlando!! What a trip it has been! I have to say, I am glad to be back in my bed!! But I will post about all this later!!

Today (as in very early Monday morning/Sunday night) I just wanted everyone to know a little information!

It has been nine months to the day since I married the love of my life! Though things are not as I would have planned, my heart pitter patters and then melts at thoughts of our future! I am so very blessed to have married a man that is so loving. He tells me every single day exactly how he feels. He promises every day to make me happy for the rest of our lives, and I believe every word.

Mr S is going to be such a good Papai! I am SO happy to be married to someone who values family so much. I have been given a deadline of January 2010. That is when i supposed to be giving birth to our first child. Haha. He makes me laugh! I told him let's work on getting him home and spending some time together first! But I am so very happy that he is so excited to have kids and to be such a good Dad. Have I mentioned that we have already named them? And talk about them all the time by name? It's true and it's a lot of fun!

I am so excited for our future together. I know that we are not facing an easy thing. I think Mr S said it best the other night, "Everyone's lives are difficult. We are not excused from that, our lives will be difficult too. But, Mrs S, I love you, and that makes things a lot easier. If we do it together, we will be happy." How could you not love a man that tells you that?? Mr S gives me hope for us. I know that marriage is not easy. I watched my parents struggle, have a terrible relationship, re-marry and still struggle. Am I looking through "rose-colored glasses" as my dad would say?...maybe. But I think I would rather look through those than go through life so cynical and unhappy.

This weekend I get to go see Mr S for the first time in 9 months...I can not believe we have been apart for so long. The time has truly gone fast and so very slow all at the same time. I can not wait to get back and tell you everything about it! I know it will be SO good, but SO hard at the same time. It was so hard to leave Mr S the first time I left St Thomas...I imagine it will be equally as hard to walk away...

Thank you all for taking this journey with me! Thank you for all your support and love! I am so excited to be reporting of the happy times to come and for all of you to share in mine and Mr S's life TOGETHER!

Life is a Bowl of Cherries!

So yesterday after my rampage little episode and a little cooling off period....I started to read all my lovely blogs my in my reader. You people make me happy. It is nice to live in other people's worlds for a while! So while I was reading I ran across some people who had obviously not read my post that day because I think I scared some people that showed some love, and passed on awards!! The first one was from Ashley! You definitely need to go visit her! Her and her husband are so cute! She recently posted some gorgeous pictures from her wedding!



"This blog invests and believes the PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

Fabiola
Wep
Vanessa and Kyle
C
Carla
Kelli
Dari
Chelle

Please go check these girls out! They are all great and so much fun!!

NEXT! Poor Kelli got to me right after my post! Thank goodness she isn't faint of heart! She was soo good to me and truly made me feel better with this little number!



How cute is that??? I love it!

Here are the rules:
As with any award, there are rules. The rules of this award are:


1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.

2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.

3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.


Instructions: On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them. When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well. To add the award to your post, simply right-click, save image, then "add image" it in your post as a picture so your winners can save it as well. To add it to your sidebar, add the "picture" gidget.Also, don't forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by emailing them or leaving a comment on their blog.

Laural
Ashley
Kori
Bia
Amber

Thanks so much again Ashley
and Kelli!

Go check out all these blogs! I promise you won't regret it!!

I got MORE good news!!!!

Mr S finally got a court date scheduled for December 10th! I am not holding my breath, but we are SO excited!! Haha! We are really hoping the ball is finally going to start rolling and that we will be back together soon!! I knew as soon as I scheduled my trip, they would decide to schedule Mr S's court! But I should still be able to see him! He should be back by then! I am SOOO excited to finally get some answers and get this over with!! Today seriously SO made up for yesterday!! Let me tell you, Heavenly Father definitely heard my prayers last night!! I am SO happy! Mr S and I both really needed this to happen!!

I am behind on my reader, I will try and catch up tomorrow night. If not it will be Thanksgiving Day! Tomorrow I will drive up to my Mom's house! I am excited for a little vacation!! I need to post about my Favorite Swap package I got yesterday too!! I promise I will get around to everything soon!!

Hope you all have a great day and if I don't talk to you before then...

Happy Thanksgiving!

I feel the need to make excuses today...and bring a little excitement!

Just when I think you all are going to tell me to get a grip, stop feeling sorry for myself--don't you read others blogs? Don't you know that despite it all, you are a very blessed girl?? You all indulge me anyway, send me your wishes, your love, remedies of jammies, movies, and good food. And that is why I love you. Because you know that all I need is a little love.

To let you know, I am feeling much, much better. Background on not feeling so great: More lawyer stuff with Mr S. Boo. But even more than that, at our other store (not mine) we had to lay off three people this week. And I am just sick about it. We are such a small company that we are all like family. We know each other's kids (ok well I know their kids, they know each other's kids), spouses, what's going on, our mood swings, what is happening with the family, we know the tone of each others voices, -- i.e. they know when something has made me mad--but seriously we are like family. And to have to do this before the holidays--I mean no time is a good time to get laid off--but the way the economy is, I know families are already struggling. I am just sick about it. My Dad (the owner of both stores) has been besides himself. We are hoping that they can go and collect unemployment for a few months and as soon as things get picked back up (and paid off) we can bring them back on with no problem. Will that work? I don't know. That particular store is a builder store. We sell flooring and install for builders in the area. We have had two HUGE builders go bankrupt this year, meaning we are writing off over $125,000. For a company of our size, that is ENORMOUS. But more than anything, I just feel for those families, my heart aches for them. But that is part of owning your own business, it's not just about you, it's about everyone involved. Our employees, their families, our installers, their families, our vendors, their families. And let me tell you, whoever said owning your own business was the way to go..ugh. I don't know, maybe we are just in the wrong business. Life is too stressful to have to worry about work too! Haha!

Ok now that I got that over with. This weekend I am doing Christmas shopping. I need to make a list, check it twice. I am going to go see Twilight. I have heard good and bad reviews. I'll let you know what I think.

I need to start exercising again. I have been feeling the urge. But can I say some excuses for a minute? I leave for work at 7, I get up at 6-er 6:30 to go. Getting up at 5 AM is reallly difficult, not that it's hard to get out of the bed, but that it's hard to drive to work at 7. My drive to work takes about 50 minutes to an hour. And it's a looonnnggg boring drive. I get sleepy. That's not a good thing. But by the time I get home 6:30-7, and I have been driving for an hour, and I have been fighting with vendors, customers, and installers all day...and it's so cold out now...not to mention dark. I can not seem to muster the strength to go run--or do anything really. But I know I need to find it somewhere within me...ugh.

On an even BETTER NOTE! Guess what???? I am going to go see Mr S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 12th, I am going to board a plane, with my little sister who has agreed to go with me because she can go for free out of the goodness of her heart, to Puerto Rico! I will get to see him for 8 hours on December 13th!!! It will have been 9 months and I am soooo excited to see him! I seriously cannot wait!!!!!!!

Lot's of ! I know, but wouldn't you be excited?? And no, for all you wondering, there are no conjugal visits. I can hug and kiss him when I first see him, and when I have to leave him, but that is all. But that's alright! I'm just really really happy that I get to go! So I have 3 weeks to lose 10 more pounds. Did I mention that I have lost 10 pounds? I have! So we'll see! Hopefully I can accomplish that by not running. But YAY!

I still don't know what to wear. I want to shop for something. Problem is (well it's not a huge problem hehe) that it's warm in puerto rico! Yay! And everything out is cold weather! Maybe I can find something on sale! I do however, know what I can't wear.
#1--no bras with under wire--why? In case I decide to slip Mr. S my under wire?? WTH.
#2--no shirts with ties--Apparently so no one can strangle me with them...Wow.
#3--no revealing clothing--Apparently the guys make comments about someone's wife and people end up dead. Yikes.

Does that stuff scare me? A little, but not really for me, more for Mr S. He has seen some gruesome things. But I am nervous! Not about the whole jail thing, but about seeing Mr. S! Is that weird? It's like a nervous excitement!! I don't know how to explain it! I almost feel that it's not really going to happen! Let's just say I won't believe it, til I see him!

I got my hotel yesterday. I need to book my flight..anyone know of any GREAT websites with fantastic prices??

Did I mention how excited I am???

A Mish Mash

First of all... Happy Veterans Day!

To all those in the Armed Forces and the families that support them...I don't want anything I say to sound trite (is that the right word? Im drawing a blank here...) but I am so grateful for all that you do. Your service to this country moves me. The sacrifices you make pull at my heart strings and we are all eternally in debted to you for everything you give up, so that we may have everything.



This is one of my favorite patriotic pictures:

Back to my anonymous bloggers questions, which I am sure you are all wondering the answer to now! So the fact is, it is my fault that Mr. S and I went to St Thomas. I was so naive about the immigration system and the way it worked. I had done all the research and thought it would not be easy, but that it was possible to make sure Mr. S got his papers here once we were married. It is not. It is difficult. I know this now. They told me had we put in an I-130 form before we left on our honeymoon, Mr. S would be here with me now. This I did not know. Immigration proceedings are kept pretty hush, hush, --not that it's secret, people just don't talk about it, it's a sensitive subject--so it is hard to get an accurate picture without being in the midst of it. Anyway to make a long story short, you only need your driver's license to go to St Thomas, you don't need a passport since it is an U.S. Territory. Well Mr. S has a driver's license (along with a business license, a bank account, a car vehicle loan, and our marriage license--in case you were wondering) and so I thought it would be no big deal. The thing I didn't take into account was having to go back through customs. Which is where our problem took us. The customs agent asked if Mr. S was a citizen, and Mr. S doesn't lie. He said No. So basically it is not my fault because Mr. S should not have come to the States without documentation, but it is my fault for not thinking and just acting. For not listening to Mr. S when he said, "Mrs. S, I am worried, are you sure this is okay?" I am haunted every day with my decision and I am guilt ridden with it.

Mr S was charged not only on the immigration side, but on the criminal side as well. Which does not always happen, but they decided to go ahead and charge Mr. S with Trying to enter the states without proper documentation. There is better legal jargon for it, but that is basically what it is. So we are still waiting on the criminal side, though right now we have a motion to dismiss in. So we are hoping that goes through and then we will have the immigration side to contend with, but that should go fairly quick compared to the criminal case. It has been very frustrating and difficult. I really appreciate everyone being so supportive of everything that has gone on. I am sure there are many of you that feel for me, but at the same time know that what Mr. S did was wrong. And let me tell you, I am right there with you. But I can tell you this, we are willing to do whatever we need to do to make things right. Mr. S was here illegally, but he did not hide from the government. He applied for a tax I.D. number and has been paying taxes since he started working here. He has never taken any help nor has he ever taken anything that wasn't his. Mr. S is a good person. Until this time, he has never been in any trouble. Was it wrong for him to come here without receiving proper documentation first? Yes, absolutely. But I tell you with the sincerest of hearts, we are willing to do whatever we need to do to correct the situation. I know that there are those who will still disagree with me, and I understand, but I ask you not to leave rude comments. Though I never had anyone leave me rude comments before and of that I am so appreciative! And I know I went from talking about Veteran's Day to Immigration in one foul swoop, but that's the way the cookie is crumbling today.

Alright now that I have gotten that off my chest! I am going to the doctor's office. I did go to work today, but I am having issues with a swollen lymph node (as my tonsils are now gone) and it's very, very tender. I don't like it. So I am buckling down and taking myself to pay outrageous amounts of money to the doctor since work cancelled my medical insurance. Yippee. But I am grateful for my job even without medical insurance. (that was my positive outlook shining through by the way!) But other than that the fever seems to have subsided. So, who knows, but I figure I better just go. Better safe than sorry right??

Last piece...what is the deal with advertisements on the blog? You do them, you don't do them? You like them, you don't like them? You think they are a sell out? They are a good way to earn a buck? I got approached, so I am just curious. Lemme know :)

Anything to help my Man!

So Melody at Pennies in my Pocket started the weekend self esteem posts! And I have said I was going to start doing this with her. And though I am coming in the last couple of hours, I still wanted to! So here it is:

Assignment: Write a post about how you try to boost
your spouse/significant other's self-esteem.

**Join in on the fun! We could all use a little boost ever once in a while!!**

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of boosting Mr S's self esteem is to be needed. Being from Brazil, Mr. S comes a very macho society.

That being said, I am a VERY independent person. I am the girl that knows how to change her tire, her oil, opens her own jars, moves her own furniture, has a successful job...I am all about girl power. I work in a construction industry and I am in the south in a small town, where it is the "good ol' boy" network. The odds are against me. But in my heels, I run around the job site directing installers, measuring, in the warehouse on the forklift, and doing what I need to do to get the job done. My husband hates that. Not because he isn't proud of me, or because he doesn't want me to be independent, but because he wants to be needed. Which is something I had to learn. So now that I know that I have learned to let him get me things off the top shelf, ask him to change my oil or talk to the mechanic (even though I worked with the service dept at a car dealership). This is why I tell him on a regular basis how much I love him and just why I need him in my life. That he changed my entire world. The whole path for my life changed the day that I told him that I would marry him. That I can't live my life without him. He worries every day that i will forget about him, that I am going to want to stay in the states if he cannot, that I will not love him anymore. So I tell him every single day. In fact we have the same type of conversation every day because that is what he needs. To be loved, to feel needed.

On to a more lighter note, Mr. S LOVES to play soccer. And he is really, really good! So I go to him games, cheer him on, and brag on him to EVERYONE!

Since most of my time was spent with Mr. S before we were married, I used to sneak into his apartment before he got home from work to leave notes everywhere. Literally. Notes on the mirror, his pillow, the fridge, the shirt I KNOW he's going to pick, and his visor in his car. I was the girl that would send text messages continually throughout the day to let him know I was thinking about him or that I missed him.

One of the things I loved most about Mr. S was his happy nature. Mr. S is a naturally happy, optimistic person. I love that about him! I will try everything in my power to make sure he stays that way! If his self esteem stays high, I know that I will be right there with him!