Today I fly out for the United States. I will be there tomorrow morning (or Brazil's afternoon). It all feels so surreal. It's hard to believe that I'm going to be back with my parent's for the first time in 2 years, 6 months and 2 weeks. How does time pass so slowly and so quickly all at the same time? I can hardly believe I have been here so long.
I am so excited to see my family. To hug them, to play with them, to just be with them. My sister is coming from Ireland too, so I will be able to see her as well (and finally meet that husband of hers)!
However with all the happiness comes an exception. Today truly is bittersweet. The sad truth about my situation is that no matter where I go, everyone I love can not be together. To be here, I hurt my family. To be there, I hurt my husband. It's days like today that make me sad. My heart squeezes in joy and pain all at the same time. And I just wonder, will it always be like this? Is there a light at the end of this tunnel that I am desperately searching for?
I know I am going to go and have a wonderful time. I am going to be so happy to be with my family, to see missed friends, to celebrate the holidays with all the force of U.S. commercialism that I love, to overindulge in food and shopping. I also know, when the day comes to come home, I am going to feel that familiar squeeze of joy and pain.
I know in this life, there are rarely those who experience complete happiness. Happiness is generally bittersweet as life is a series of choices we must make, rarely black and white, but always in the hazy gray. Please don't confuse this as unhappiness. I am not unhappy, in fact quite the opposite. However, I will always continue to hope that things will change for us.
Keep my in your thoughts and prayers in all my travels. I have missed participating in this online blog world. I have lots of stories and things to say. Hopefully I can carve some time out and share! Lots of fun adventures to share as I adjust back to the U.S.! Stay tuned!
1 day ago