Monday, September 26, 2011

Sunday Citar

“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.”-Rumi


First, I just want to thank everyone for the support, comments, emails, telephone calls...It really made all the difference and I feel extremely lucky to have such a great group of family and friends that cares so deeply.

As expected, time moves on and the pain becomes less severe. I have been extremely busy with work which has helped to keep me from dwelling...unfortunately, coming home is always the hardest part. I cleaned out all her things thinking that if I couldn't see them it wouldn't be so painful. Turns out I don't need her things to remind me that she is gone. She was so ingrained in my everyday living that everything reminds me of her. As I come home, I walk up to do the door and look for her little face under the door. Brazil 224When I do laundry, I look to see if she is laying in the sun. I hear fireworks and have to stop myself from jumping up to go and check on her. (She was terrified of fireworks) I was in the kitchen making something and caught a glimpse of white out of the corner of my eye, I turned to flash her a smile, except she wasn't there. When I am home there is a constant ache, this never ending hole, with never ending thoughts. I feel like I am constantly aware that she is gone, but still have these flashes of thought before I can catch them. They are always painful.

I was putting a file together of all the pictures I have taken of her. I came across this one from my grandma's house. And I thought, I wonder what she's looking at, she looks so intrigued, so attentive. When I opened the picture, I saw her reflection and realized it was me.

Gracie! 060

Seriously it brought on the waterworks. I just loved her so much.


I know, as it has already shown, that as time moves on, so will I.  So I am doing my best to let go of the sadness and hold on to all the wonderful memories she left for me.



gracie baby

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Danielle said...

aww all of her Halloween costumes are adorable! You gave her a great life and I'm sure she was so happy to be part of your family. Sending well wishes. xoxox

Jana said...

tear jerker! what a nice post, she did have a wonderful life and it will always be hard. I still think about my old dog who died years ago, the silly things he would do, all our fun times together... in the end we have to know they were incredibly happy to be in our lives as much as them in ours. Happiness is the best thing you can ask for in a life!

Anonymous said...

Awww, my German Shepherd is getting old and kind of sick and this really touched me. It is good to remember that she was happy with you.

Meagan said...

I agree that this post is a tear jerker! She was so loved and taken care of by you.I will always Remember the happy and funny times we talked about on the phone:)I know you will too! I have a little something I'm sending to you, I will mail in on Wednesday on my day off so keep your eye out for it. Love and miss you and wish I could give you a hug! Megs

lovelydharma said...

My heart just aches for you. I can't imagine. Dharma is gone from my life - but safe and sound - as my mom took her back to the US because I didn't think I could handle two dogs and a baby (and Dharms was so spoiled I was worried she would be jealous.) But I miss her so much I still haven't brought myself to pick her empty dish up off the floor. I really hope it gets easier with time. And it will take time. She's wagging her tail from heaven looking down on you and loving you all the time! Hang in there!