She FINALLY did it!

You remember my little sister right?

Well back in November she got all crazy and got married to this guy:

Why is it crazy you ask?

 

He lives in Ireland.

 

Let me repeat that: He lives in Ireland.

 

That’s right my friends. My sister took a few months to wrap up some loose ends and moved in May to join her husband in Ireland.

 

You would be correct in assuming we are a very adventurous bunch. You would also be correct in thinking that our Mom misses us like crazy and my Dad is asking us what he ever did to make us want to move so far away from him.

 

Anyway luckily for you all she started her very own blog! She is the Expat in Eire and she would love for you to stop by and say hi! She is traveling in Ireland as we speak, so make her blog about the fun she’s having!

Thankful

Today, I took out my baby picture so that my in laws could see what I looked like at just a few months. I dare say I was a cute baby! Anyway my mom and my dad were in the picture too...and I am the spitting imagine of my dad. Like carbon copy type of image. Thank goodness he's a good looking man!

Anyway getting out that picture I also came across my mom's book of thoughts that she wrote while she was on her mission for church in Argentina. Reading this book filled my heart with love for my Mom. For getting a look at how she felt about the gospel, about people, about life. The more I read, the more I realized how alike we really are. I may not have inherited her blonde hair (though I did get the whiter than white complexion), but I have my Mom's heart. I have her personality, her love for others. (and shopping, parties, and decorating) Though there are many things that I hope I don't pass onto my own children, I hope I can pass on the heart that my Mom has given me.

Today I feel closer to my Mom and miss her more than ever.

Trekking

Back in May, my school put on a “trekking”…I’m not sure why they didn’t call it a hike..but sure. So we trekked through the beautiful mountains here in Ipatinga!

What we did was actually a competition. There were nine groups, with crazy looking maps, compasses, and timers…the goal was to find our way through the woods, using the exact amount of time to get from point to point, where there were people waiting to clock us in. Whoever did things at the correct time were the winners.

Guess who won????

Well it certainly wasn’t my team. Where did we place? Last. Dead last. Why? Because instead of letting the kids take over and have a good time, we bunch of controlling Moms, who wanted nothing more than for their babies to win. Who also thought they knew better than the instructors and anyone else who tried to help them. But, I digress.

We managed to have a good time despite all the competitiveness. Here is proof:

My cute group before we started

 

The Mommas helping us win

After we reached the summit

 

One of the other teachers and I

*Also let it be known I’m all about national pride, but that color yellow, on my pasty white skin…not cute.

 

I didn’t get a picture of us when we finished, but let’s say it had been raining all night the night before and stopped just in time for us to start our trekking. So the way down was slippery and quite treacherous. A lot of people fell, a few got hurt. After close to five hours, we were tired, muddy, and hungry. Thankfully for the winning team and the professors (woo hoo!) we went to a FABULOUS rodizio, and it was all paid for. We were definitely grateful for that! It was well earned!

Monkeying Around

So the other day we decided the weather was beautiful and we were going to take the dog for a walk. We picked a little path by the river. It was beautiful, green, peaceful, and picturesque. I loved it! As we were nearing the end of our walk, I discovered these:

Look how cute! We saw them in the trees above us and stopped to look at them! They came down because they thought we were going to feed them. And I probably would have (though Sidnei says it’s not the best idea) but I had no food. Anyway, they were really interested in my camera. This guy kept tilting his head when my camera would click and it made me laugh!

I really had fun taking pictures of them and playing. They got so close and truth be told they made me a little nervous, but it was so fun to see them playing. Their  curiosity was so funny! This guy made me laugh, I took a couple of pictures of him, but he’s what we nicknamed “the blinker”! He couldn’t keep his eyes open!

 

So it was a fun little day! Gracie had a good time too, though she had to go wait in the car while we played with the monkeys! She was so sad!

Thankfully her hair is growing back….albeit slowly.

And I couldn’t leave you without a photo of us!

The sun will come out....

So I said I knew things would be better. And they are, to a degree. The undercurrent of emotion is still strong and it's better to not talk out loud or the waterworks start back up.

So let's talk about the bright spots:

1. I turned off comments on my last post. Not because I didn't want support, but merely because I wrote the post because I needed it. I needed to vent my pain and frustration. It really helped. But imagine my surprise when you all weren't having any of that, and I receieved some much needed emails and words of encouragement. Thank you, thank you much more than I know how to express.

2. Today I found a really cute pair of shoes on sale. So I bought them. Even though I really need "winter" shoes (read: closed, not sandals).

3. My check was bigger than I was expecting. Who doesn't love that?

4. I plan on buying something not good for me at the padaria (bakery) on the way to work. I was thinking something filled with ricotta cheese and sun dried tomatos...mmmm

I have some fun pictures to share, so I'll be back with some happy..or a lot...to try and counteract all the drama.

The truth is..I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy and I really don't know how to fix it. I'm hoping that when we move, it will solve a lot of the issues I am feeling. One of the big ones being I feel uncomfortable here in my in-laws house. My SIL is here every day now, since having the baby, and it has heightened this feeling ten-fold.

I feel out of place. I'm different. And both of these things make me feel really lonely. I'm really tired of feeling different. I'm really tired of thinking differently from everyone else. I want to feel understood, normal, accepted, as if I belonged.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my country. I miss my life. I miss the person I used to be. I often wonder where she has gone and if it is possible to get her back.

I feel like I try really hard to be happy...but have I? I have no idea. I feel like I go round and round. Sidnei tries, but he doesn't understand. I want to call and cry to my Mom, but I know she worries and I don't want her to worry any more than she does. I want to call and talk to my Dad, but he'll just tell me to leave and come home. I don't want to burden friends more than I already have.

And the truth is, today, I just want to cry. I want to cry hard and long, the kind of crying the wears you out so much that you need to sleep to recover. But that requires a little privacy. Though honestly, I wouldn't mind someone holding my hand while I cried, but eventually I would need to explain why, and I don't know that I can effectively do that in portuguese today. Or that I want too.

I know this feeling is temporary. At least that is what I hope because I am tired. I'm just tired.

So forgive me. I feel like I have exhausted all my outlets. Even this one. But I just didn't know where else to go.