Today has been a wonderful day. I got to read and FINALLY finish a book called Moloka'i that I have been trying to get through for a while now. I loved it. It is one of those books that puts things into perspective. The protagonist lives through the worst of things...unimaginable circumstances...yet she lives and she loves despite them. And there are SO many people around me, who do the same thing, here, in real life. I am grateful for them. I am grateful for the reminder that no one escapes life. It just is what it is. It's hard, it's painful, but it can be wonderful, happy, and full of JOY.
I don't know the word for what I am feeling right now. Sort of nostalgic I suppose. I am wrapped up in the memories of the times Mr. S was here. The things that make me miss him, the moments that made me love him, and I am grateful for those moments. Because as much as I hate it, without those things, those happy moments, I would not hurt as much as I do right now. I wouldn't miss him like I do. I realize the crater that is in my life right now is because he was the one who put it there. I know this time we are facing apart is quickly coming to a close. I am SO very grateful for that. I am grateful because my husband and I get to be together again. I am grateful for that because I know that there are so many spouses who no longer have that privilege. To think about it...it takes my breath away.
So if you don't mind, I want to share some of the things that make me love Mr. S, some of the memories that made me so happy today.
The first time I told Mr. S I loved him back...he picked me up off my feet, spun me around, yelled something in Portuguese, and gave me a big kiss.
Getting him the beach bike he wanted so badly
but hardly used for our anniversary!
Seeing him on the jobsite working so hard and being soo good at his job and stealing kisses--and trying not to embarrass him in front of the guys!
The time Sidnei decided to cut his own hair...wouldn't let me do it. His phone rang, he asked me to answer it and put it on speaker. While talking and laughing, the clipper guard fell off, and he put a BIG FAT patch in his head. You should have seen the look on his face. It was priceless. I let a little giggle escape--you know the nervous kind, like uh oh? Well let me just tell you all-- Did you know it was my fault?? Well apparently it was. Apparently I was distracting him! He was SO mad. We were at his place, so I left. He came over later, donning his new style. He buzzed it all off. You can see in this picture, he is feeling better
The flowers...just because
The kisses...oh I miss the kisses...
This is one of my favorite engagement photos!
Talking Mr S into good memories! Here we are in the Wild, Wild West
The lazy Sunday afternoons sleeping and watching TV.
The day Mr S was baptized
The English/Portuguese Dictionary I kept in my purse..
Obviously I could go on forever. I am in no way lacking in love. I miss the way he smells, the laughs, the loving, holding hands. I am looking forward to the fact that we will one SOON have all those things again.
I can't remember who said this, and as soon as I do I will make sure to give them credit and if you said this PLEASE let me know! I am trying to go through my email to find it!...but they said, you can make your home anywhere, but you can't make everyone the love of your life. Oh so very true my friend.
So the point of all this? Because I need to learn to be happier day to day. I need to learn that in the face of adversity, it is not as bad as it seems. I need to remember that there is a plan, whether I can see it at this time or not. I am so loved by so many people. My husband, my family, my friends, and all of you. Thanks for allowing me to share this, to share our journey, and to support me through it all.